Like with everything else, applying for jobs is largely done online now. It at least keeps my bad handwriting from being seen. Nor is dressing up required to try and impress the potential employer as I can fill-out the application from home in the comfort of my pajamas. However, many businesses require the completion of a survey, which resembles a psychological analysis.
Rather than to be a cashier at a chain store, I felt like I was trying to get hired as a Federal Agent.
I didn’t know a minimum wage job required such a high degree of mental testing.

The questions include a series of hypothetical questions, such as; If a supervisor rudely yells at another employee, would you…A) Tell another supervisor, B) Get in the middle, C) Comfort the employee, D) Nothing….Really, it doesn’t matter as it’s been my experience that the employee would just quit anyway and find another menial job. Plus it depends on if the employee is my friend or is taking my hours.

Several of the questions also require some deep personal analysis…Are you happy with your place in life? Ummm, I’m nearing middle age and applying to be a shelf stocker, because my English degree is good for nothing and my cupboards are full of Roman Noodles. Yes, I’m on top of the world!!!

It also causes you to doubt whether or not, honesty is always the best policy. You don’t want to lie, but sometimes the truth isn’t always the most appealing answer. Is it easy for you to start a conversation with strangers? Do you like being the center of attention at social gatherings? Well, anyone who knows me at all, describes me as quiet, I am not Mr. Personality, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of asking people, ‘Would you like fries with that?’ I want to be true to myself, but also not cost myself a job by admitting that I don’t talk a lot.

I applied this week to be a dishwasher for an area restaurant, that’s part of a national chain, and I had to fill our 12 pages. Yes, 12 pages of such questions. I was once a dishwasher at Frisch’s for 9 years, and can honestly say that it’s a position that doesn’t require such a degree of mental aptitude. It makes no difference if I strongly disagree, disagree, somewhat agree, agree or strongly agree that it’s best to consider all possible long term affects while solving a problem.
All that’s important is that I’ll get the dishes clean to the best of my ability, except those stained with egg, and will show up on-time every day I’m scheduled.

Well, I must not be answering the questions right because I haven’t been called for any interviews, or maybe I’ll just apply now with the C.I.A. I’m prepared for their application.

I’ve had the idea for this particular column for a number of weeks now, but every time an attempt is made to write it I receive a request in Words With Friends. Before I know it, hours have passed as I get drawn in by the other features on Facebook and I no longer feel like composing an article. However, this time I’m going to stay focused and complete my mission.

For those who don’t know, (where have you been?) Words With Friends is an online word game, basically Scrabble. You’re given a selection of letters to spell words with on a game board. It’s relatively simple but dangerously addictive.

I’ve missed meals, alright I’ve only been late to them (nothing keeps me from eating), by playing Words With Friends. You have to keep up on it or else you’ll get buried by the number of moves needed to be made. There’s no limit to the amount of games you can be playing at once, and when its your turn on half a dozen or more, time seems to escape. Then as soon as you finally get all caught up a notification is received that its your turn again. It’s an endless cycle.

Never will I claim to be a linguistics expert or even have a vast vocabulary, but I wish I knew more Q words. Quick, name a Q word that doesn’t also have a U….I’m waiting. It’s so frustrating to have a Q, which is worth extra points, but unable to use it, because there’s no U. I have discovered the word Qi, I have no idea what it means, but I spell it almost every time I have a Q.

Even worse, is when in addition to Q your selection of letters also includes a Z, V, or X. It’s like having bullets but no gun to fire them with. I get excited when I see a Z and think of how much I’m going to boost my score, but then turn after turn I’m unable to spell ZOO, and its wasted. The same is true for X. X-ray isn’t accepted, and how many other x words do you know. I feel guilty of dirtying the game if I use ‘sex.’

My biggest complaint of Words With Friends though is the posts it makes. No offense people, but I really don’t care that you just spelled ‘ball’ in your game. Is that supposed to be impressive?
Plus I don’t want everyone knowing my Qi secret.

I really don’t know how much longer ‘Friends’ should be part of the title before being changed to a more derogatory term. What type of friend is it who digs words out of the Encyclopedia Britannica, which they have never used in a sentence? And with friends who always use the Triple Word squares that you had all set up, who needs enemies? Then, of course, they post for all to see that they scored 620 points against me.

I better wrap this up, and get back to Words With Friends, and if you think of any good Q words, let me know.

To say “Merry Christmas,” is not meant to be offensive to Jews, atheists or anyone else who doesn’t wish to observe the holiday but is simply calling it what it is. The song is not titled ‘White Holidays,” but at least until it gets lobbied to be changed, it’s ‘White Christmas.’
The argument is made that by saying ‘Happy Holidays,’ that Hanukkah, Kwanza, Ramadan, Fourth of July and everything else is included, leaving nobody out. However, someone is left out, a pretty important individual, who carries more weight than even Santa…Christ.

Efforts are made to protect the feelings of everyone but the Christians. It’s fine for a God loving Christian to be told “Happy Holidays,” but to tell a Jehovah Witness “Merry Christmas” is terribly insensitive. God is already being pushed out of the Pledge, public schools and the President’s speeches, He should not be taken out of the celebration of His birth. It has become almost unlawful to speak of Christ in public, yet everyone wonders why society is in such chaos.

The expression of ‘Merry Christmas,’ is not even intended as a religious message or an invitation to church. It’s no different as saying ‘Happy Valentines Day,’ at the risk of offending those who haven’t had a date in six months. You don’t stop saying it, just because someone may be bothered by it.

I’m not a heartless Scrooge whose opposed to the other variations of Christmas, Adam Sandler’s ‘Hanukkah Song,’ is one of my favorite carols. It’s much more enjoyable to listen to than ‘Deck the Halls.’ And to someone wearing a Yamaka I have enough common courtesy to not wish them a ‘Merry Christmas,’ and I respect their traditions.

I came across this poem that expresses the point better than I can.

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.
Why the PC Police had taken away
The reason for Christmas – no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
It might hurt people’s feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a ‘ Holiday’.
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-Pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.
As Targets were hanging their trees upside down
At Lowe’s the word Christmas – was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny’s and Sears
You won’t hear the word Christmas; it won’t touch your ears.
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate ‘Winter Break’ under your ‘Dream Tree’
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,
not Happy Holiday!

I’ll never be a chef as I can barely boil water, nor will I be a pilot because I don’t know north from south and perhaps I shouldn’t even be a journalist due to not being interested in the news. By news I mean newsy news; political, financial, criminal stuff. I do care about human interest type stories.

At dinner time I’d rather watch ‘Judge Judy’ than the local news with repeated weather forecasts. I even watch the Lifetime channel more than I do C-Span and when the President speaks, I watch a movie. So it seems fair that I question my career choice, the only problem is there is no other skill that I’m halfway good at. However, I do feel there’s a place in the news for upbeat, feel good stories about people, businesses, and events in the neighborhood.

It’s no secret that newspapers are sinking and readers of them are becoming a rare breed. I’m among those who enjoy reading a paper, but can look through it very quickly when it’s full of newsy news. I realize and fully agree that it’s important to inform citizens about their cities political dealings, but it’s not why I read the paper. I’ve noticed a growing trend where papers are very heavy on the newsy news and the rest is an afterthought.

Granted I’m biased, but I’ve never seen an article about the city’s zoning board hanging on someone’s refrigerator. Am much more likely to find one about their kids award in sports or about their favorite teacher. Should small-town newspapers be dominated with news of City Council or of the people who make up the community.

The mission of every newspaper, whether for a large metropolis or a tightly bound community should be to please its readers. What I think doesn’t really matter, I’m wrong most of the time anyway. So just out of curiosity, what kind of stories do you the reader most like to read in newspaper? Please, share your opinion with me or at least explain the zoning law to me.

In the spirit of Halloween, horror movies enjoy a rise in popularity; what the genre typically lacks in plot is made up for by gruesomeness. Films which by now could be considered classics by some, like the original Nightmare on Elm Streets, Halloween, and the countless Friday the 13ths were basically all about a monster of a man who went around killing people. Yet, there was/is something compelling about them and they all follow the same basic rules of a horror movie, which could serve as steps to live by.

The Scream franchise, which began in 1996 forever changed the style of slasher films. It had a suspenseful story line, plus comedy, drama, and introduced the ‘Rules.’ Unlike most of its predecessors, Scream actually had a plot.

Though horror movies are typically frowned upon by parent and Christian Conservative groups in a sense they should be recommended as a type of birth control. As it seems that every couple who engages in sexual activity is brutally murdered soon after, I’m still half scared to even kiss a woman. I don’t know how the counselors for Camp Crystal Lake ever got hired as all they ever seemed to do in the Friday the 13th movies was have sex, get drunk and smoke pot.

Another important lesson to be learned is to never run up the stairs when being chased by mad man yielding a machete or another such dangerous object. It never ceased to amaze me, how the prey would avoid the back door and instead seek safety by running upstairs. Then usually lock themselves in a room or hide in the closet, where there is no escape.

However, if the potential victim does manage to get outside the results are predictable. If they run, a fall is certain to happen. Scantily clad females, wearing white and no undergarments has an increased chance of falling or causing a sudden rainstorm. Also, if freedom can be reached by a car, it will never start. Even if it’s a brand new car, made in Japan, it will suddenly have a malfunction.

Furthermore, don’t ever be fooled by a dastardly villains apparent lack of any speed. They could be 50 or more yards behind, lumbering along with an ax sticking out of their forehead, and then suddenly be in front of you.

Be extremely cautious if you are the only African American, or other foreign nationality, amongst a group of white friends. You will never be the sole survivor. The same goes for the fun loving comedian of the group, their jokes are numbered. And never, never go skinny dipping.

Finally, if somehow victory was achieved and the monster seems to have been killed…Run. Don’t stick around to collect your emotions or reveal their masked identity, because they are truly never dead. Beasts like Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers have been sliced, diced, scattered, smothered and all types of other Waffle House phrases, but always come back for more.

Despite often knowing what’s going to happen, before it does, horror movies are still enjoyable to watch and could just save your life.

I am a pretty avid eater, but prepare very little food myself, so maybe it should come as no surprise that I enjoy watching other people cook, even on television. There is also compelling reality based competitive nature in many of the shows. I certainly have not gained many culinary skills from the programs as very rarely do they prepare anything basic but instead fancy dishes that I can’t even pronounce without an interpreter. Never does just a chunk of beef have to be grilled, but some 15 letter word marinade has to be added, atop a bed of rice, adorned with a uniquely shaped green vegetable. It ends up looking more like a piece of art than dinner. Do people really cook like that? My idea of a gourmet meal is adding cheese to a hamburger.

The latest addition to my menu of shows is ‘Extreme Chef,’ where the contestants are forced to prepare dishes in very adverse conditions, outside of a kitchen. For example, the challenges have included; their only utensil being a Swiss Army knife, having to cook on a cars engine and extracting ingredient from a block of ice. Yet they still make dishes that are only served at restaurants that require a suit and tie.

Another one of my favorites is the ‘Next Food Network Star,’ in which the contestants try to cook their way into having their own show. They must not only please the judges palates but also prove themselves as having a strong camera presence. It’s enjoyable to watch them flounder. (Pun intended).

The Julia Childs of this generation is Gordon Ramsay, even has the accent, who has to be the hardest working man in Hollywood. His shows include Hell’s Kitchen, Master Chef and Kitchen Nightmares…I of course, watch them all, just to see him go on a bleep filled rant, if for no other reason. It never ceases to amaze me how inept the contestants are on ‘Hell’s Kitchen,’ most of them are lucky to boil water correctly and they sign up to face Ramsay’s wrath. Not to mention the famed Risotto, which in seemingly every episode gets ruined, yet remains on the menu.

In ‘Kitchen Nightmare’ he goes to try and fix restaurants that are failing; and all have high tempered owners or cooks. Every episode is basically the same, yet I still watch, he tries the food which has to be spit out…finds the kitchen to be filthy…argues with the cook…remodels the dining room…changes the menu, and leaves with everyone happy. Suddenly, the kitchen crew who at first made him vomit, are now expert chefs.

We all take great pride in our food, it’s our creation, and there is something compelling about shows like ‘Master Chef,’ to experience the wave of emotion when the contestants have their dish tasted. We’ve all been there, and watched as someone took the first bite of the dinner we slaved over (or poured out of a can) and waited to see if they smile or grimace.

And this is why I find myself watching so many cooking shows, not to learn new recipes but to savor the emotional journey of the contestants. Plus, and perhaps the most important reason…they make me hungry.

Throughout the movie, Bueller is being tracked down by the dean of students. If only real school administrators handled their jobs with such passion. He goes above and beyond the call of duty as he is attacked by both Bueller’s dog and his sister, all in an effort to prove Bueller isn’t really home sick.

Their day free from school is spent going to a baseball game at Wrigley, dining at a fancy restaurant, visiting Sears Tower, the Art Institute and the Chicago Board of Trade. All of which are entertaining, but since they live in Chicago I’m left wondering why those things couldn’t be done on a weekend or during the summer? I know…I know, I think too much, being rebellious makes the activities more pleasurable and results in a better movie.

A memorable scene occurs when Bueller takes over a float during a downtown Chicago parade and lip synchs ‘Danke Schoen.’ and ‘Twist and Shout.’ A crowd of thousands gets involved, I have never understood how the musical number fits into the movie, but have never seen so many people enthused by a parade.

The film features an appearance by Charlie Sheen in one of his first roles, while he was still sane, and Edie McClurg who seems to have played every secretary or receptionist needed in the 80’s.

Ben Stein also deserves mention as the monotone teacher who famously recites the movies most recognized and imitated lines..”Bueller…Bueller…Bueller?

Broderick’s career was launched by his performance and Ruck would later co-star in the television series, “Spin City.” A sitcom, starring Jennifer Aniston, followed the initial release of the film and aired for one season.

While it’s a privilege to honor those close to us on such a milestone occasion in their life, it’s hard to feel charitable for a relative stranger. Where should the line be drawn on who is sent an announcement? It’s customary to include immediate family, close friends, perhaps the church, etc. Notice I did not say just anyone you see or communicate with on a regular basis such as the mail carrier, cashier at the grocery or the person you always see walking down the street. You should at least know the individuals name and have had a conversation with consisting of a complete sentence.

Last week we received a graduation announcement from a totally unfamiliar name. The address was from the Cleveland area, so isn’t even someone known only by appearance. To deepen the mystery even further, no picture was included. He didn’t even show up on, ‘People you may know,’ on Facebook, heck the trash man does that.

After researching the family tree and calling the U.S Census Bureau, it was discovered that the man of mystery was the grandson of a third cousin, twice removed or something like that. I’ve never met him, his parents, or grandparents. Yet am supposed to reward him for his accomplishments.

I can’t really blame those who send out as many announcements as they can, as I’ve never received a pay day greater than when I graduated. However, I at least personally knew everyone that I received a gift from or invited.

It all leads to the big question, how do you respond? Do you ignore it or send a monetary gift? If so, how much? It’s hard to put a dollar amount on, ‘I have no idea who you are, but Congratulations. By the way, how did you get my address?’ Sending a gift, shows acceptance of in a sense being used for money while the alternative is turning your back on family. What’s the right action? All I know is, the guest list for my next birthday party just got bigger.

‘Top Gun’ follows Maverick, a young hot-shot Navy pilot through the top Aviator school in the country. He flies with reckless abandon, breaking all rules of the norm. Co-starring as his backseat pilot ‘Goose,’ is Anthony Edwards, in his defining role before playing a doctor on televisions ‘E.R.’ Through the years I’ve heard several references to the character for gems of dialogue but none of the quotes struck me as memorable. It is fun though to see Edwards before he becomes a victim of premature balding.

The cockiness of Maverick to be the top student is matched by ‘Iceman’ (Val Kilmer) who flies without any fear. An arrogant smirk fills his face throughout the film in a role Kilmer was born to play, matter of fact I can’t think of anything else he has been in except for his one time only turn as Batman, which flopped.

Fortunately for the ladies, many of the confrontations between Maverick and Iceman occur in the shower room where only their bottom halves are covered by a towel. And an intense four man volleyball match between them set to ‘Playing With the Boys’ by Kenny Loggins makes the “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” policy of the Navy pertinent.

Amidst all the male testosterone the female race is strongly represented by Kelly McGillis as ‘Charlie.’ While at first she appears to be just a normal beautiful woman in an off base bar Maverick is surprised to discover the next day after coming on to her strongly that she’s an instructor for the flight course. Their chemistry soars, perhaps in part to the whole student-teacher relationship and the presumption they both know their away around a cockpit. A strong tension builds of will they or won’t they…of course, they do.

Ahead of its time in special effects, the in-flight scenes take you right into the action, dodging missiles as they are launched. The rip roaring sounds are thunderous, especially with the volume turned up high.

Another strongpoint in the film is the soundtrack, some may call it outdated, but I’m a fan of 80’s music and lyrics that can be understood. Songs such as ’Danger Zone’ and ’Take My Breath Away’ blend perfectly into the action.

Also appearing briefly is Meg Ryan as the wife of Goose and look closely for Tim Robbins as one of the pilots.

Though an action film, ’Top Gun,’ also contains a lot of heart and emotion. A tragedy in the air, makes Goose a…dead duck and forces Maverick to try and continue on without his best friend.
Take a trip down memory lane or enjoy ’Top Gun’ for the first time in celebration of its 25th year.