Watching a game of baseball, while enjoying some apple pie and wearing a Harley Davidson t-shirt may scream of Americana, but it’s just not that simple. In order to be a real true red blooded American there are some movies that are required viewing if residing on this great land.
Yes, I know that ‘Twilight’ is an epic story of forbidden love, and that ‘Titanic,’ ‘Lord of the Rings’ and ‘Ben Hur’ have won more Oscar’s than any other movie; but neither of those fulfill my standards of a U.S Citizenship. My apologies to all you on Team Edward, Jacob, or the Count.
However, those on Team Ralphie can rejoice as they are safe from the risk of deportation due to having seen, ‘A Christmas Story.’ The 1983 film didn’t win any major, or even minor awards, but simply because of its reputation and 24 hour marathon on Christmas Eve, there is no excuse for a breathing soul to have always missed it throughout their life. To have done so, is simply un-American.
I triple dog dare you to find a patriot who never dreamed of having an ‘official Red Ryder, carbine action, two hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.’ Whom was also endlessly warned about shooting their eye out.
Lessons are learned from many different films; ‘Spiderman’ teaches to beware of spider bites, and ‘The Hangover’ is a sign of the dangers of drinking, but ‘A Christmas Story,’ tops them all in value. I have been spared the humiliation of having my tongue stuck to a flag pole, or any frozen metal object, because I watched Flick do it in the movie.
While Rudolph, Frosty, and the Charlie Brown Special are all holiday classics, they don’t make up for not having seen, ‘A Christmas Story.’ If you don’t know what female body part makes up the ‘Old man’s,’ lamp, what animal Ralphie must dress up as on Christmas morning or what word he utters when helping to change a tire? You may still be a redneck, but not a true American.
Make it a double feature, as another rite of passage to be a real product of the U.S.A is having seen, ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ It’s a timeless classic for all ages, and watching it is a part of growing up. No matter your feelings about musicals, black & white films (just wait), or flying monkeys; it’s a must see.
If for no other reason, nowhere else will you see a larger collection of midg- errr…little people, as in Munchkin Land. Out of the entire history of cinema, minus Sharon Stone’s leg cross in ‘Basic Instinct,’ there is no more enjoyable of a scene. After all these years, I still have yet to figure out why a Munchkin Land has never tried to be duplicated. Rob Schneider has said, ‘You can do it,’ in several movies, but in only one is the voice and appearance of the Lollipop Guild on film.
‘The Wizard of Oz’ is the story of a search for brains, a heart, and courage. Ironically all traits of a real American. Rarely does anyone have a full supply of either, but everyone has some, including the President…well, there are exceptions to every rule.
To be an American is the greatest privilege in the entire world, make the most of it by watching ‘A Christmas Story’ and ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ Best do it now because….movies are subtitled in other countries.
