It was Andy Warhol who once claimed that everyone will have their 15 minutes of fame and it seems to be more true today than he probably ever realized. In an era where Jon & Kate, the balloon boy, and Jarod the Subway Guy are household names the achievements for acquiring fame have significantly been lowered. Plus with the endless amount of reality shows chances are good that everyone will be on television during some point of their life.
I don’t think I could ever handle having eight children or being married to Kate, (even though she is HOT) and I don’t seem to lose a lot of weight by eating fast food so to reach my desired level of fame I figure I need to fulfill my dream of being on a competition type reality show. The only question is which one?
There is the Bachelor, which as a single male I could be a candidate for and I think I could handle having 20 beautiful woman vying for my attention to be chosen as my soulmate. But I am uncomfortable with strong displays of public affection so it might be difficult making out in the hot tub knowing that my preacher and millions of other people were watching, plus I would have to take off my shirt which would be a real ratings killer. All the guys chosen to the Bachelor are always hunks, and according to the responses I get from women I don’t think a cast of contestants could be found so the Bachelor is out.
Next is the Amazing Race, it would be an awesome adventure to see so much of the world and play for the prize of a million dollars, but I can’t find my way around Dayton without getting lost. I would never be able to manage in the streets of Turkey. Nor do I know who my partner would be and some of the challenges are pretty tough.
Another option is Survivor, I’ve watched every season so i’m a self called ‘expert’ of the game, but I like sleeping in a bed and getting three meals a day, plus snacks. Being stranded on a desert island with a bunch of crazed lying backstabers doesn’t really appeal to me. I do enjoy the beach, but only when I have a nice hotel room to back to. On the plus side, being on Survivor would be good for weight loss, but my poor performances at the challenges would make me an early victim.
Speaking of weight loss, the Biggest Loser is another option, but I need to pack on a couple more hundred pounds before being a worthy candidate. Then I would have to exercise ALOT and create an even worse visual of being without my shirt, so I’ll just stay as I am and execrise as little as my body can handle.
It’s sounding hopeless, right? That’s what I thought too, but then I was struck with inspiration while watching American Idol and the terrible auditions of the opening round… I could do that! I have a singing voice that has moved people to tears, not from its beautiful sounds but from being so hilariously bad. A trait of a skilled singer is getting a emotional response from the audience and my singing can do that.
You can’t tell me that some of those people who audition think that they have any real talent? It’s known that the horrid auditions are a popular part of American Idol, viewed by millions of people, and they are willing to make a fool of themselves for their 15 minutes of fame. So am I. Only my hopes were again dashed with the realization that the cut off age to try out is 28, which I’m over by a few years.
Then some hope was restored by the General at 62 years old with his song, ‘Pants on the Ground,’ which has become the latest sensation of music. It’s a hit on You Tube and he’s made other television appearances while enjoying his 15 minutes of fame from performing a catchy song with limited talent. Yes, there is a way for everyone to reach their moment of glory in the world of television and my bad singing voice could be my ticket to fame.
